I knew parenthood would be my toughest job ever. And I’ve had a lot of jobs. Many of them were in retail, so I know how to take abuse!
I had my first job at 13 years old. I worked a part time job almost every year, whether it was over the summer or winter break. I worked my way through college and never stopped. Until I had my first son.
It was the strangest feeling ever, to not have an outside job to go to.
I’m still working on getting used to it and he is 6 years old now.
Parenthood has proven to be very hard. Not a bad thing. I’m abused, sleep deprived, taken for granted, overworked. But it challenges me in every way possible. Especially my patience and my ability to keep it together. You see I am not only thinking for myself any more. I think for my kids and I now have to think for my husband. Who knew?
With Myles’ SPD diagnosis, I knew that I would be the sole parent doing all of the research and relaying all information to the masses, including my husband, but it is beginning to wear on me.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not babying my husband. Nor am I the kind of control freak who doesn’t think he is capable. He really isn’t capable.
Hear me out before you gasp! Okay, maybe you already gasped.
My husband has Adult ADD. If any of you have children with ADD/ADHD then you have some indication of how exhausting it can be to have a child in your home who needs more of you than you thought necessary.
Well, take that same child and assume that he was never diagnosed with his condition until well into adulthood, so therefore he has no life skills to help him cope, let alone his own kids’ lives, and you now know what it may be like to live with an adult with the disorder!
It’s no fun! I will say that he is on medication for his ADD, but medication is not a fix for everything. He still struggles with remembering things from the most trivial to the most important. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING ever gets completed in my house if my husband starts it. NOTHING!!!
He struggles with remembering his own appointments, so I take on the role of human family calendar. I use tools to help. I live for my iPhone. It has been a life saver. But all that said, I am the only one in our family who knows everything about our sons and their medical history or weekly appointments.
Which just means that I can’t die! Ever!!
Before Myles was diagnosed, my youngest, Mason was seeing a speech therapist for a speech delay and he was also working with an OT for his severe food aversions. I’m pretty sure Mason has SPD also, but no official diagnosis yet.
Myles has been receiving allergy shots (immunology) since he was 2 1/2 years old. And that is a 4 to 5 year process. I think my entire week was monopolized by some sort of medical appointment with the exception of Fridays. I LOVE Fridays!!
I have read numerous books on SPD, I have visited dozens of Websites and read so many blogs, and I still feel as if I am in the early stages of my learning process. I have tried to pass along some of what I have learned to my husband so that he may understand our son better. I have tried to correct him when he still, impulsively yells at him for having a meltdown. I have tried to explain that he isn’t having a tantrum. And every time I have this discussion, it’s like we are having it for the first time. And this is simply because he doesn’t have the ability to recall all of the details. And he never will. His brain is able to handle the general idea of things, just not the details.
Sometimes he remembers. And when he is having an on day, its wonderful to see. His patience level is awesome. They connect and I can see how calm it makes Myles. Other days, what I call the bad days, it’s like watching a train wreck. They both will have meltdowns together.
My husband is aware of his faults, but I worry about the relationship my son will have with his father. Will his fathers inability to “get him” cause resentment? How can I foster a relationship of understanding when the impulsive sensational child is being parented by an impulsive, forgetful parent?
We also don’t know yet if Myles has ADD. That test is being delayed until his OT feels that his SPD is under control. We’ve been told over and over again to deal with the SPD first then worry about the 60% chance of him having ADD/ADHD later.
See my dilemma?
My kids have a great dad, who WORSHIPS the ground they walk on. He only wants the best for them. He is also quick to apologize when he realizes his mistakes, something we both feel very strongly about.
But sometimes I secretly wish I could go away for a week or just a day and not have my phone blow up with constant questions about their everyday routine!
I’m still trying to find a middle ground. Having Myles know more about himself may help, while also helping his father understand him. But for now, I am parenting two children and managing one husband and trying to remember everything for everyone.
Seriously! Calgon, take me away!!!