I am still not sure why I am here. I mean I know why I am here, but I am not sure what I want to say. But I know I had to say something. And hopefully it will come out smarter then the thoughts that bounce around my head.
My son Brennan is a lot of things. Cute. Smart. Funny. Sweet. Lover of food, trains, cars, and animals. But the thing that seems to control his life, and ours through it, is he is a sensory seeker.
It wasn’t until we started this journey with him, that I could have understood how hard diagnosing conditions are. Even though he is a close to text book case of a sensory seeker. It took 6 months in Early Intervention for speech and language delays, a developmental center evaluation, neurological visits and testing, sleep specialist visit, and countless other Dr visits to tell us nothing.
None of them could explain his quirks.
Sure, they all said it was unusual. But no one could tell us why. Just that he wasn’t autistic. Which we knew.
I asked the same questions over and over again to different faces, in different places, and I got the same answer. ”I am not sure. But he looks great, so it is probably nothing to worry about.”.
Yes he is gorgeous. With lashes that go for miles and a smile that lights up the room. But why is he walking in circles all the time? Why does he smoosh into corners? Why does he keep hitting people, even though he wasn’t mad or upset? Why does he scream and screech when we change his diaper? Why won’t he eat the last bit of something because he only has enough for one hand, instead of something in each? Why does he play so great with his sister one moment, playing chase, and then the next climb on her hitting her? Why? Just…. Why?
They didn’t know. And neither did I. Until a friend mentioned that he had some sensory issues. I had no clue what that meant. I had resisted looking it up until after the evaluation at the developmental center. The one that was supposed to answer all our questions. Except it didn’t. He is “strong willed” they said. He needed a behavioral therapist. And away we were sent.
I broke down. I Googled. Ahhh, the joys and evil of Google. And you know what. She was right.
He had so many characteristics of a sensory seeker, right down to the high pain tolerance and love of spicy food. It took longer then I wanted to get the OT eval. But when we were done, it was worth it. I had been right. He was a sensory seeker. He needed these inputs. He wasn’t hyperactive. He was dealing with things the only way he knew how. And because he also suffers from a language delay, he can’t tell us how he feels. He can’t tell us about the pressure he feels, and the need to move.
I got the call I have been waiting for today. They finally found an OT. We will be starting this week or next week. We are so close. Even though we are just starting this journey, I feel like a big part of the puzzle that is Brennan is coming together. And it is a good feeling. We have a long way to go. And a lot of work. He still has health issues that we need to straighten out.
But for now, we will take the little victories. Enjoy his smiles and laughter. Jump and dance with him, take him places where he can climb. And be thankful we have him.