I had plans to start this new year by writing lots of helpful, informative posts about living with a child with SPD….but honestly, I’m usually so tired that when I do get to visit with my computer, I don’t want to dwell on issues past….issues dealt with.

I don’t want to think about my life and how I’m coasting through…..however, I must admit I am quite pleased with myself on how well I’m coping with everything. So, really, I just want to give myself a pat on the back and climb into bed and sleep.

But honestly, things really are running very well.

I’ve let go of my wish for silence and order and actually, I’ve let go of living my life the way I want. The kids get to jump and scream when they please, eat what they want (with the occasional veggies sneaked in)….they can even eat the way they want…yes, we’ve settled (the kids and I) into a pretty crazy routine with trampolines in the living room and pillows flying all over the place, and the african savanna blocking our way to the dinning table and dirty children eating spaghetti by shovelling it in their mouths with uncoordinated fingers…okay, only John does this. Kate just never eats supper. This is my family…and yes, I want it to change, but….maybe next year?

Maybe not….change is happening….now!

My boyfriend (Richard) and his son moved in. We were waiting for my divorce to go through before moving on with our relationship, but that’s not going to happen any time soon….so we decided to move on, or move in together.

Richard finds the broom and sweeps the african savanna to a corner…we all stare in amazement….I guess it can be moved….the pillows are always picked up and placed back in place…the trampoline….he wonders if we could move it downstairs….like out of the way….I have to put my foot down….that thing is a life saver….it’s staying!

But the kids are always jumping on it…..that’s the point! Imagine what they would do if there wasn’t a trampoline to jump on! And can’t John eat his spaghetti with a fork?  He’s trying, I say….but Richard and Cage (his son) are disgusted! “So don’t look!” yells John….Ah, I’ve trained my children well! And does it always need to be so loud?

And really my instinct is to support Richard….because really, I want everything he wants….I want “normal” but here’s the thing, we expect children (like my son) to change into what we want, but they are the ones diagnosed with the disorder. John has regulation disorder (among other things)….he can’t just change and do what “we want”. We, on the other hand, don’t have disorders that define our capacity for adapting to the world. So yes, we need to learn to “adapt”, because we can easily “adapt”….(although most of the times it doesn’t feel easy and, knowing this, I applaud Richard and Cage’s ability to adapt to our situation).

I wish I could make everything just perfect for everyone, but this is how perfect it can be right now.

John spends his day at school, forcing himself to “adapt” to their philosophies, doing things that are so hard for him….all day long. When he comes home, I want him to relax. I want to give him the place to just be and to sometimes fall knowing that we are there to catch him and no matter what.

We love him just the way he is.

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