With Little D swiftly approaching his 3rd birthday, the question is on my mind. It could be his recent change in behavior – the increase in epic meltdowns, the major increase in aggressive behavior and self-abuse – or it could just be his SPD rearing its head as he is transitioning into a new stage of his young life.
It seems like every time I turn around, I’m asking myself this question again and again. Is this an indication that he’s not just SPD? Is he on the Spectrum too?
This question is a loaded one. There are so many things that it could (or couldn’t) mean. If he is ASD then it could work to his (and our) advantage because he might get the help he needs at school in the future. ASD seems to have that affect on the people from IDEA.
Other questions are loading on my mind too like, if he has ASD does that mean more challenges? Which ones? Does this mean that he can’t overcome some of the things we’ve been working on?
And while I’m asking these questions, I’m waiting. Waiting for our next appointment with the developmental preschool, and the biggest question attached to that: What if he’s not approved?
And the hardest part of all these questions is that I just don’t know the answer. I should though. I’m only 2 college semesters away from a bachelor’s degree in Child Development. Believe me, I have studied Autism Spectrum Disorder in ways that I wish I hadn’t. I’ve read not just text book definitions, but detailed studies and outcome projections… some of which is ugly. But knowledge is power, … right?
Knowing is important. It gives you peace, power and can give you a direction. Even if your direction is only a starting point. Knowing is powerful.
Despite knowing that knowledge is power, the idea of knowing is still frightening to me. If I know the result of a diagnosis, what do I really know about Little D? I still won’t have a crystal ball into his future. I still won’t know if he will excel or struggle, although I expect it will be some of both.
One thing I’ll always know: Little D is my amazing, sensational, terrifically AMAZING boy. He lights up my world and even though he struggles sometimes with simple tasks like riding his tricycle or holding a crayon, I wouldn’t change who he is – and knowing that makes all the difference for me.