Little D started at the developmental preschool today. It’s literally the only place that he can get OT, Speech or developmental services in our small town. He will be there from 8 to 3pm every weekday, unless there’s a holiday. I’m really concerned about it.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a really great opportunity for him to advance in the areas of development where he has been struggling, particularly fine motor, expressive language and gross motor. Socially he has a real opportunity to learn to get along and play with other kids, to learn to share and to use his empathy skills. He has some real benefits that will come as he spends time there.
The problem is, as much as I have been pulling my hair out with him at home, I really really, REALLY miss him. His birthday was the 9th and I’m realizing that he won’t be this cute, affectionate (on his own terms), amazing little boy forever.
He’s growing up, which is a good thing. No. It’s a great thing. It’s just hard for me to let him go. He’s 3 years old now and it’s time for him to start gaining some independence, especially some emotional independence, from his mommy. The trouble with that is it means that I have to be emotionally independent too, and that’s hard for me. I like that he needs me. I love cuddling with him when he lets me, or even when he lets me squish him between some pillows or the couch cushions. Anything that he needs and asks me for, I love to fill that need. I need to be needed, and I am happy that he needs me.
So, the question is, will he still need me after he’s learned so many things at preschool? Will he want to go back after today? What if the other kids there are mean to him? How will he handle other adults telling him what to do? I just don’t know the answers and I guess that’s what scares me most.
As a mother I have relished in the thought that I have some say, some control over what happens to my children. The harsh reality is, there is no such thing as control. Especially with special children. Things happen and you can’t stop it. You can’t stop everything bad from happening to them.
My kids love “Finding Nemo” and there’s a line that always seems to resonate strongly with me. “You can’t never let anything happen to him, then nothing would ever happen to him.” I guess eventually, sooner than I’d like, I’ll have to give up on this dream of control, but can’t I just hold on to it a little longer? Please?
Comments
Julie Pennell
Hi Mother L,
I know it’s sooo hard to let go. But take it from someone who has been there, you will find adorable things to love and cherish about every new age/stage!
And here’s an SPD silver lining for you: once a sensory seeker – always a sensory seeker. He will find different ways to get that input as he grows up, but if he is a cuddler, he is likely to be a cuddler his whole life. When my (now 18 year old) started to get bigger and stronger than me, he started giving ME piggy back rides around the house!
And he still gives the best hugs around!
Enjoy!
Heather Finnegan
My 6 year old loves hugs and deep pressure to soothe, still! So does my 3 year old!
It’s so hard to let our babies go! I keep saying that I need a 12 step program to help mommies let their babies grow up (a cousin of mine told me is a 12 pack of beer, not so sure about that).
As a former preschool teacher I can tell you that a good teacher will help your son feel comfortable and help him learn how to deal with kids who make poor choices,
Heather Finnegan
UGH! Wrong button! The teacher will help your son learn ways to cope with the other kids. I am sure he will be fine. If not, you have the right as the momma to ask for changes to be made or if things are just horrible you have the right to remove him. I pray that it’s a wonderful experience for your son. And maybe you can visit his classroom or volunteer to help once in a while. I LOVE being in my boys’ rooms!
Rae
I know what you mean. My son is two and I know the day is coming quickly when he’ll be going off to preschool, or somewhere else without me.
CircleTimeMommy
My son started developmental preschool when he was 3, and I only let him go three days a week for the first semester because I couldn’t stand him being away every day at that young age, especially since he couldn’t tell me if anything negative happened. The school has earned my trust and my son clearly loves being there. Now he is there every morning and it is very positive. I still miss him, though, and have separation anxiety for a few seconds every day!