Ooooh where do I start venting?! In all honesty, I have to say I have come to the realization that people are not always meant to be in our lives, and I have an easy time accepting that. Even when they are our own family.
I have had this discussion I am about to embark on with other mothers of special needs children, so I know very well that I am not in any way alone, but it still is quite frustrating! My sister (who has no kids, nor has any comprehension of special needs) has gotten quite pissy over my blog. I did not know this until I asked why she is not returning my calls and she emails me back saying because I am looking for people to feel sorry for me over my blog about Danny and I shouldn’t be posting it to my FB wall. She continued to tell me when she called to see if things were ok after reading a blog and I told her this is normal it apparently offended her.
Wait … This blog is about our everday struggles, that are typical of children like Danny. Sorry I offended or disrupted your pretty world with my reality.
Then she went on to tell me how I should not be having another child with a son like Danny and I better hope he doesn’t smother her with a pillow. Well, that was the delete button on my relationship with my sister who I see every 7 years anyway, since we live in different states.
When someone has no children, nor has no comprehension of raising special needs children they really should think about the things that come out of their mouths. But, I expect nothing less from the ignorance is bliss crowd. I am not really heartbroken over it either. If what I post in my blog offends you, consider not reading it any time.
If you are still reading, then, well, I guess you read at your own feelings personal expense, because I do not blog for anybody, except myself. As a parent of a special needs child, we often do
very little for ourselves, so I do not make any apologies. This is OUR reality. Needless to say my husband was just astonished at this whole situation and said he was glad it was my family and not his! I had to laugh at that comment. I love his simplicity.
I honestly know that this kind of thing is something that many families face in our shoes. Often times their family members do not know how to comprehend their child’s needs and falling outs happen. It is not my place to have to worry about those other people. My place is with my son, the one who is being attacked and insulted by the comments about watching him so he
does not smother his baby sister with a pillow. I am saddened that my own family has to sink so low. We deal with the stares from strangers, the little whispers and even comments at times. But we should not have to deal with it from those who we believe to love our children.
But, this is not the 1st family member I have had to make this kind of detachment from. My mom could not comprehend Danny’s disabilities and she would do things that we told her not to
around him that would make him upset. And she would say that the doctors are wrong and he will just outgrow it and downplay the situation. Finally Sean and I decided she was not helping, nor willing to accept the situation for what it was. So, I have been here before. Sean and I both agree that Danny is our priority and if people do things to attack him or insult him we just have to
pull away from them because it is our job to protect him first. I do have to say luckily it is not a problem we have faced with Sean’s family. I am grateful for their acceptance and respect.
Something I have learned in life is that we can not control others actions, only our own. No more, no less.
Comments
Nadine
Im sorry for the use of a better phrase but that pisses me off!. I too have had to deal with ignorant insensetive people and honestly your right, your son and your family do not need them in your lives.
You are your son’s advocate and your family SHOULD be there to support you. It’s a pity some people in today’s society are wrapped up in their own little worlds, in their own ideas of success and what they think is normal.
I wish your son and your family all the love, happiness and joy possible. Despite the obvious challenges your son may face, what a blessing he is to have in your life and if people cant see that, they have no place in your life!
Wmiz
Oh, I ended up not speaking to my sister in law for a very long time and part of the fight we had she told me the same thing, that anything I post or say I am just doing for attention, on top of it my son has a chronic disease and she also told me when I ask for prayers on FB when he was having 104/105 fevers that Motrin would not even work for, again, only for attention and that I am just too sensitive. No one seems to understand that there are certain things that we can do to avoid SPD meltdowns, and they downplay to her when she is having trouble with her body in space or tactile defensiveness, they basically tell her she should not feel that way. I have given up trying to have them understand, either you get it or you don’t and sometimes the rare jewel of a person comes along who actually has empathy and wants to understand.
Judyb
Bless you with all that is on your plate.
I have recently been dealing with SPD with my daughter.I related to your post because at the height of meltdowns and destruction this past month, my brother stated I am “making mountains out of molehills, its a phase, she will outgrow it.”
It hurts in more ways than one.
Lizy
I cound not have said it better. Just the another day a family member told me that my son is just going to get out of that frase. But i know that they dont understande and never will. All we can do is make a kids fell happy and safe. And not worry about the rest. much love and respect.
B
My son has SPD and we deal with similar struggles. There’s nothing worse than starting to doubt yourself after an uninformed and insensitive comment is made about how you care for your own child. It takes mountains of strength, patience and love to keep my household balanced and sadly only a moment to knock it all down. Unsolicited advice sucks!
Joyce S
Thank you – you said it perfectly.
ginger
B- this is exactly true for many of us I think. “It takes mountains of strength, patience and love to keep my household balanced and sadly only a moment to knock it all down.”
That is one of the frustrating parts is that ppl not in our shoes do not comprehend how fragile, not just our children are, but our entire “system”.
David's Mom (Crafter Dream)
Thank-you for sharing this. Sad to see someone else having to face the same thing but also helpful to see I am not alone in this experience. Thank-you.
ginger
That is one thing I have learned through this process, we are never alone. It may feel like that, but there are so many who deal with situations like ours. And for those who do not and do not want to understand, well we just have to have the strength to push past that, for us as mothers, and our children as well. Best of luck!