Yesterday was Lilly’s first dental visit ever. Yeah, sounds like I’ve been slacking in the motherhood department. Though she’s 3 years old, I have really been trying to find a dentist who is familiar with special needs kids since she was 2 years old. Thankfully I called the Special needs preschool’s nurse who suggested this dental office. With Lilly having such bad anxiety with doctors since she was 1 (between the pulmonologist and the regular ped, it was like we were at a doctors office every other week) and her SPD pertaining to her sensations in her mouth, I had to work extra hard with her with brushing since her SPD has given her a hard time with the sensations in her mouth, being extra sensitive to touch.
She is to the point where she will let me brush them, which is fantastic for her, but I had no idea what the dentist would bring. Well I knew, it wouldn’t be good.. but I was prepared for a fight.
I always prepare for the worst, hope for the best and when it’s horrible for her, I don’t feel extremely horrible. I have to do it this way because I know that if I prepare for the best, I then feel 10x worse when I have to hold her down, pin her legs with my legs and let random doctors touch her. This was the case yesterday.
Here’s a vision for ya. Me in a dental chair all the way back, holding Lilly on my lap, hugging her with a bear hug from behind and my legs crossed over her legs so she doesn’t kick the hygienist. Crying, and screaming but still at least holding her mouth open long enough to let her get the look she needed. Once the hygienist touched her, it was meltdown city, although she was gentle with her (sure let me be the bad guy holding her down and all while you gently check her out!) It was her gloves that I think threw her off.
Then, here comes the polish. Can you say, meltdown 10x bigger? This poor child of mine bit the polisher, but then slowly relaxed and although still crying, and trying to scream “No!” , she at least kept her mouth open a bit and they finished up. Well… at least for the next 5 minutes, the dentist has still yet to come in.
I get her to settle down, which usually takes at least 15 minutes, but only took 5 minutes this time, thankfully, only to have her freak out even more when the dentist had to have her sit back in the dental chair with me. Bless this dentists heart, allowed her to sit facing me in a regular chair, and laid her back into her lap and was basically the same chaos above but quicker.
All for no cavities and an A+ report for the preschool. They even invited her back. In 6 months. Now I know it’s a necessity, and I am not saying I would neglect it getting done, but I just know that this will be a reoccurring story as the years go on. On the way home, I was watching her in the mirror and she just looked so spent and worn out. She was so tired, and fell asleep, but I can’t help but want to just keep apologizing to her for the horrible day we just had. I felt so helpless seeing her like that. As a parent, you just want to keep them from the worst possible situations and I couldn’t today. Because it had to be done. The things you have to do really bite some times! I know that some of you have been through this. It’s never easy. Though it is always better having it done and over with it, its very frustrating that you have to put your little one through this.
Comments
Julie
Next time you go, ask them to put the lead x-ray apron on her – the weight is soothing, like a weighted blanket and may help (along with the hug and stuff) to keep her calm.
scott
I agree about the lead apron, also, I’d see about buying a box of gloves (you can get them in the first aid section of most stores!) and -practice, practice practice. Ask her to wear the gloves and rub her gums and teeth… get a cheap 5 dollar battery powered toothbrush and try to get her to play dentist with it, on her mouth.. or get two and let her practice on you…
about a month ahead of the appointment, I’d call and ask if you and your daughter could stop by for a NON-stresseful visit. let her sit in the chair for a moment or two, say hi to everyone, and leave. no work done, but just get used to the feel of that chair, the smells, the sounds…
My daughter is a seeker for most oral, she LOVES the dentist, so long as she doesn’t have to listen to the sounds. they have headphones for the kids at the place I took her last, and she could have stayed all day! (I say most, as she hates hot/cold, and some textures. but toothbrushes she goes through all the time!)
lisa
scott…. such great comments. Thanks! My little SPD guy has cavities and can’t manage the process to get them taken care of, so we’re counseled to have him put under in the local hospital for the care he needs. BUT it’s at least $8,000 and NOT covered by insurance b/c we’re told that SPD isn’t a medical diagnosis. I’m going to try to go the office route again using some of your ideas…. maybe he can make it through?
jhope
Ugh, our dentist visit when my daughter was three was horrible too. She’s almost five, and I have yet to find a pediatric dentist that specializes with kids who have sensory needs that is covered by our insurance. I’m tempted just to pay out of pocket just to not have a repeat performance of her 1st visit. Scott has some awesome ideas, and I think I’m going to try some of those ideas at home! I’m sorry you and your daughter had such a traumatic experience. It’s always a learning process for us as parents. Thanks for the post and thanks to the other posters for their helpful suggestions
Suzanne
First visit and they polished?!! That’s crazy!
She did really well actually and each subsequent visit WILL get better overall!
The first visit that mine had they gave him a toothbrush and brushed his teeth, looking at his teeth and the same time. That’s it! I don’t think there was even toothpaste. It was to get them used to it. Now they go and really still do the same thing, now with toothpaste. The last time my one son went, the dentist came over because, yes he was still struggling, and did a look in his mouth so he didn’t have to come back. My other son was a pro and didn’t mind it at all (and he actually had more defensive issues overall). They know them now and reassure that whatever I’m doing at home is great. Their teeth are healthy and each visit is a bit better! I’m just surprised with all that is going on with your child they didn’t start more gradually than they did.
Lelah
I’m so sorry it was horrible for you. Scott has great suggestions.
I do want to add (for others):
do see a pediatric dentist, always, even if you have to pay out of pocket. It is worth every penny. We fought with our dental insurance to get them to reimburse us 80% of the costs. The fun atmosphere, the fact that they work with ONLY children, the better flavored toothpastes, etc work so much in your favor.
Start as soon as possible. Dentists like you to visit by one year of age, but they won’t clean teeth until age 3. Having that time seeing the dentist, having them look in your mouth, without any of the other stuff helps SO much. Add that with the toys in the waiting room, videos on the TV in the patient rooms and the prizes at the end that come with pediatric dentists, they almost look forward to it!
Amy B.
I will add my agreement about the lead apron. It works like a charm for us. Also, our dentist gives my son really dark sunglasses to wear. He feels cool, but they also block out a lot of the distracting sights.
Joy
Oh my gosh! The dentist and the salon – the two places I hate bringing the little one. I feel so sad that the two of you had went through that, but hope that it will get easier with time. The weighted apron was a great idea and Scott had some great suggestions too. At least there were no cavities; great job!
Karen
Thank you for this post. I’m at the point where I know I need to get my 2 year old in for his first visit but I also know it will likely go much as you described your visit. It just breaks my heart to have to do something to my son that will terrify him like this will. Thank you Scott for some great suggestions. I’ll start trying them now before we get in to an actual appointment.