My son has had three Christmases. And all three of those Christmases have ended with meltdowns. Even when he was just a few months old he couldn’t handle the stimulation from the Christmas celebration we have at my grandparents’ house. There are just too many people, too much noise, too much change to The Routine.
This year I contemplated not going to the Christmas celebration at my grandparents’ house. My husband and I decided we’d try it one more time. If our son had a rough time again this year we wouldn’t put him through it next year.
Trevor did great at the beginning, but as the day wore on it was obvious that he was overstimulated. He was mouthing everything (including some Christmas ornaments on their Christmas tree!) and the look of fear in his eyes when my family broke out into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” (my uncle’s birthday is on Christmas) together signaled the end of our Christmas celebration. As I went to put his coat on him he ran away from me. Trevor has enough trouble controlling his body when his sensory system is properly regulated, but when he’s overstimulated he’s even klutzier than usual. He tripped over his own feet and sailed into a table leg, smacking his forehead. So we left their house with a hysterical toddler and a growing goose egg. Not exactly the Merry Christmas I had hoped for.
And because I was worried about a possible head injury I couldn’t let him nap. By the time evening rolled around Trevor was a mess. He couldn’t even make it through his evening routine without repeatedly collapsing in an inconsolable heap. All throughout the night he woke up crying and screaming because his ability to self-soothe had vanished. I felt like my toddler had regressed into the colicky newborn he once was.
The following morning I woke up exhausted. I told my husband that next year we were staying home. A big Christmas celebration is just too much for Trevor and it’s not fair to him. A few hours after making that statement to my husband I got a call saying my grandfather was being rushed by ambulance to the hospital. Yesterday, just two days after Christmas, he passed away. And you know what, my perspective on this past Christmas has changed.
It was worth it. The tears, the bruised noggin, the meltdowns, the sleepless night. All of it. Because we got to be a part of my Papa’s last great memory here on Earth. Usually I put my son’s needs before everything. And of course, that’s the way it should be. My hope is that as Trevor gets older we find better ways to help him cope and he doesn’t have meltdowns during special occasions. But for now I’m here to say that sometimes, it’s worth it to disrupt The Routine.
Comments
CeCe
Oh my. I am so sorry. I have the same overstimulation meltdowns with my son (to add to it, his birthday is just a few days before Christmas and his sister’s bday is a couple of days after it). My son’s grandparents are both deep into their eighties. That is the exact reason we endure the torture every year. I’m glad that despite the less than stellar situation with your boy that you had those last memories with your grandfather. I can promise you this – as you son gets older, things will get better. They will. You will discover ways together that help him to control his body as well as some sensory troubles decreasing as he gets older. He will also learn to self soothe and you will learn how to avoid certain triggers. Be honest with your family. There are certain things I am certain they would be willing to do To help you both navigate the sensory overload so you can all enjoy the day. (like going into another room when they sing happy birthday). It’s not easy having a child with sensory issues but it does get better. My son is eight now. ITs far from perfect and my husband and I do always have white knuckled fear as we head to the family Christmas celebration but each year is more manageable than the last. Some helpful things for us have been making sure our son has a little outdoor time before we go – even just kicking a ball down the sidewalk is enough (but time on the park swing is better). A few minutes of deep massage (squishing him between the sofa cushions and rolling him with a rolling pin help). Holding him by his legs and having him wheelbarrow walk across the floor – excelllent for him. It’s not perfect and each year we fine tune to make the next hear better bur I offer you this, it WILL get better.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you. XO
Meg
Thank you for this. This is a debate my husband and I have more than we should. We have a minimum of a 5 hour drive to see family so when we do go we have to stay there over night. It is a challenge and often times not worth it. But I agree sometimes it is worth it. Thank goodness for Skype and Google Huddle!
Susan
CeCe is so right. It does get better! My 8 y/o grandson talks incessantly to self sooth…which can get on some other kids nerves, but I love it. The imagination soars!!! I am so sorry for your loss.
Heather Finnegan
So sorry for your loss! I am so glad you made it this year. We have 8, YES 8 occasions with family/friends where gifts are exchanged. We missed one due to it being out of state and not a weekend we could go, but I totally get you and the meltdowns. Our son is now 6 1/2 and SOOOOOO much better about handling things. He is fairly good at the parties, and I lower my expectations. We deal with some “off days”, well 2 weeks of being “off”, but it’s so worth it. He re-regulates once we get him back on schedule.
I wonder if brushing your son would help him? I have found that we still brush when ours gets really stressed and that helps. I am talking about the therapeutic, Wilbarger brushing.