My son is in the middle of a complete sensory nightmare.
It’s his clothes. I think. I really don’t know.
I got back from a trip to Phoenix and all of a sudden he won’t wear socks. His clothes are too big. His underwear feels “wrong”. His private parts are “uncomfortable”.
This is a kid who always wore socks even to bed at night. Hated having anything too tight.
He’s always had the “usual” sensory issues – tags bothered him, he wouldn’t wear jeans and the change from long sleeves to short (and vice versa) was a two week seasonal battle.
But this? This is new.
He screams. SCREAMS.
“MY PANTS ARE FALLING OFF OF ME!” and “MY SOCKS ARE TOO BIG!” and “THESE PAJAMAS AREN’T COMFORTABLE!”
Never mind the fact that these are the same pants, same socks and same pajamas he’s been wearing for months. The kid, at age 6, is still in 2T-3T underwear and 4T pants.
I’ve tried to play sensory detective – maybe he has it backwards? The clothes he says are too big are actually too small? Has he grown?
No.
Is he sick?
Is he still recovering from me being away?
Is it something at school? He started a new behavior plan and his special education teacher is leaving tomorrow on maternity leave.
Answers: I don’t know, I don’t know, and I don’t know.
Does it matter?
He’s screaming like he needs to get out of his skin.
I’ve done everything I can think of to make it better. We’ve changed clothes in the driveway while waiting for the bus because he thought his shirt would fall off. I’ve changed his underwear twice in an hour to see if it would help. I bought him seamless socks.
Tonight he’s wearing his little brother’s underwear and pajamas.
He’s finally asleep after screaming for an hour.
I had to walk away.
I’ll admit. I am done.
I could feel the frustration boiling inside me. The more worked up he got, the more upset I got.
He wailed at the top of his lungs and I had to walk away.
This…
sigh.
I have no way of comforting him when he is like this. I have no answers for his pain.
I can help him work through the other sensory assaults on his system. He can wear headphones when the noise level is too loud. We can avoid certain foods that make him gag. He can jump on a trampoline or play on the swings or run in circles when he needs that input.
But this…the sensory assault that comes from within him?
I’m helpless to “fix” this. I cannot feel what he feels. He cannot express to me why he hurts the way he does.
When he claws at his clothes…his skin…
I cannot make it better.
This is the hardest part of his sensory processing issues for me.
I can’t imagine how hard it is for him.
“Seems I’ve got to have a change of scene
‘Cause every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I’ve got to leave before I start to scream
But someone’s locked the door and took the key
You feelin’ alright? I’m not feelin’ too good myself
Well, you feelin’ alright? I’m not feelin’ too good myself” – Feeling Alright by Dave Mason
Comments
Lisa R
This is also the hardest part for me too. I cannot understand it, I can’t imagine why his socks have to be two sizes too small or why sometimes his jeans feel’itchy’ or why he sometimes wakes after midnight to ask me to do laundry of his favourite tshirt. And I lose my patience too which then makes me feel horrifically guilty. A wonderful blog that really struck a chord with me.
Alysia
It’s the losing patience/feeling guilty thing…you hit it right on. Thank you Lisa for helping me feel less alone.
Brenda (mamabegood)
I bet you are right. All of those changes (your trip, school, seasonal) piled on him and it’s too much.
And I know what you mean about not knowing. That’s so uncomfortable for us parents.
((Hugs)) He knows you are there. He knows you care. ((you’re doing the right thing)).
Nikki
Love you. Hang in there. You are a wonderfully loving and dedicated mother. That will all pay off someday.
Julie Pennell
Oh Aylsia, I’m so sorry. It’s torture to watch your baby suffer so.
A thought…pollen levels are ridiculously high right now. I once went to a seminar where the OT explained that allergen receptors are very near sensory receptors and sometimes they can aggrevate each other. I know that personally, my sensitivities are worse when my allergies are acting up. Maybe this is a path to investigate?
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Julie
Ellie
Interesting correlation! I definitely see that in my kids, now that you mention it!!! Alysia, I hope you figure it out soon. We too battle clothing from time to time…it comes and goes, and I never do figure out what caused it or stopped it, I’m just relieved that it’s over for now! Hang in there and take deep breathes, then go in your room and scream into a pillow
DaCreaturesMama
That is real news for me here. My son went bananas last week for no discernible reason. It was incredible. He just wasn’t himself. Our pollen counts were through the roof last week. Thank you for posting that info. Now I have a new enemy to track and wrestle into the ground: pollen. Oh, this makes so much sense to me, looking back on the week or two of really strange behaviors that never fit any other category. Thanks a LOT!!!
Alysia
A great thought! I gave him a Claritin today after reading your comment. Allergies are bad here, and although he’s not showing an outward signs, I just never know. We’ll be watching this. Thank you!!
Elizabeth
my little brother had sensory issues, at one point ( and still sometimes) would take all his clothes of and simply scream when anyone told him otherwise ( my brother is non verbal so he could not tell us why he wanted them off ) we noticed when we put a different outfit on him than the one he was taking off he left it on for quite a while, especially if the clothes were green.. it also helped when my mother took him shopping for new clothes… just the 2 of them went and spent nearly the whole day, they had lunch and went to kmart mum got one of every piece of clothing from they boys section and went to the dressing rooms… she explained her situation to the women who make sure you only take 3 pieces of clothing in at a time, they counted how many items she had and said to take as much time as they needed. mum put all the clothes in a pile and let him, touch, smell, look at every one as many times as he liked and when he showed a particular interest in something she would put it on him, if he screamed or tried to take it of they would start searching again, they came home with about 4 green t-shirts and one pair of shorts ( which he has the exact same pair at home anyway ) If you’re son can talk them it may be a shorter process for you….. if he does not like new clothes then go to a second hand clothing store so he can get preloved’s.
Alysia
I love this – thank you. I see a shopping trip in our future.
Varda (SquashedMom)
Also, what I am hearing in the “clothes are too big” is the intersection between sensory issues and ANXIETY. He needs the clothes big for his sensory reasons, but suddenly he is being anxious that being loose, they will fall off, and becoming rather obsessed with this fear – in an OCD-ish way.
I am not a big one to push psychotropic medications on all kids – but it sounds to me like he really needs outside help with his fear and anxiety right now, something to push his brain out of its obsessive, repetitive loops. An anti-anxiety / OCD medication, even just short term until he gets over this hump, may really help here.
Because right now he is being held captive by a terrorist in his own brain – and that really sucks!
Alysia
That’s pretty much what our doctor said yesterday, and the other one said today. Anxiety is winning. We’re thinking about this, no doubt.
Jennifer
I bet you’re right, too. Due to all the recent changes in his routine, his sensory bucket has become a thimble, filling up and spilling over much more quickly than it did before all the changes. My humble suggestion (as I have been there) is get his schedule as close to normal as you can and give him lots of quiet time if possible. Push him on the swing without speaking, silently rock him in a rocking chair, lots of rest until he feels “reset”. I hope it gets better soon.
Alysia
All great ideas. We have spring break coming up (yikes) so we’ll have lots of time to recoup.
Heather Finnegan
Mine is the same age with similar issues, but mine is telling me that he won’t be my son anymore
My husband and I are thinking a possible developmental growth spurt in addition to a bunch of little things that have him “off”.
I wish I had some magic formula to make it better for our kids, and us, cause it does really suck to be the mommy of a sensory kid some days. Like you I am mentally exhausted right now
I have heard about compression “workout wear” for kids at Target, that is cheaper than the spiro suits, maybe something like that for your son?
Alysia
I’m looking into that too. I’m sorry it’s hard right now for you too
Niksmom
We’ve gone through this with Nik from time to time…that he was in such distress about something but couldn’t tell us WHAT or WHY. I know that there are some things which make him feel like his skin is burning a bit. Allergies come to mind, too. Either way, I know how awful it is to not know how to help your baby feel comfortable in his own skin. Sending love and good thoughts to you both.
Alysia
He’s currently naked and just fell asleep. So…you know…
Lisa
I want to scream with my son when he faces these sensory assaults. Like you say, it’s hard not to be able to fix it.
I agree with others that all of the recent events–your trip, seasonal changes, school changes, allergens changing, etc are clustering together to form this “perfect” storm.
I hope that everything settles down soon. In the meantime, hugs.
Alysia
yup. perfect storm. You are probably right. Arrrgh…
Forgotten
Maybe if he’s craving tight things, consider buying him tights to wear under his pajamas to bed or under his pants where they can’t been seen by others so they won’t embarass him but he’ll feel better?
Also, weighted blanket. My boys fluctuate between needing theirs and not wanting them anywhere near them.
Another suggestion. Take your son and another adult with you to the clothing store. Go straight to the fitting rooms. Tell the sales person that he needs to be in a fitting room to try on clothes and that you will have an adult bringing things back and forth for him. Just explain that he gets too overwhelmed in the store and this will help to keep him calm as well. One person stays with him to help him try things on, the other runs for more clothes to try. Let him feel them, rub the clothes, smell them, whatever he needs to feel safe trying to find what feels comfortable. I’ve had to use this method several times. We basically lock ourselves in a fitting room and make someone else our runner. Sometimes the sales people are great helps, too! They may know a shirt that has what he wants or a color like what he asks for and extra sizes in the back, etc.
Sorry for the super long comment. I really hope you are able to figure out what he needs to feel better. (((HUGS)))
Alysia
I appreciate all the suggestions – thank you!
Y'vonne
This has been our constant battle since birth so I have no advice but patience. Some days are better then others for us.
beans_mom_1
Alysia,
Changes are hard! You never know what’s going to throw them off kilter. I know, it seems like a complete mystery why some days are a lot easier than others.
For awhile, our son was pretending to be a Transformer. When he was tired or anxious, we’d notice he’d make the “shooting” sound and move his head from side to side at the same time. I kept thinking, “If we only didn’t allow him to watch Transformers ONCE, he wouldn’t be making these sounds.” When we would ask him why he did it (at the dinner table, while reading a book that wasn’t Transformers-related, in the car, etc.) he would just look at us and say, “I don’t know.” As if he knew he was doing it but couldn’t figure out why either.
He stopped about two weeks ago. And I don’t know why or what triggered it to start. Now, it’s constant putting his fingernails in between his teeth running them ragged. I cut his nails since he’s okay with it just to sort of stop it, but he’s been doing it a lot and putting more sunflower seeds in between his teeth too like it’s the same feeling or something?
We are here with you. Standing with you here during the assault! I hope this gets better soon. Hugs to you and your boys…
Dana
That feeling of not being able to help is so hard, frustrating, and heartbreaking. One thing that made a huge difference for my daughter in the area of clothes and being more comfortable in her own body is homeopathics. It may be very worth your while to find a good homeopathic doctor in your area. The first day Lucy took the homeopathics she broke out in hives- it was if what ever was making her so uncomfortable was coming out of her body. After 3 days she was much calmer, and after 3 weeks, she could handle certain things that were impossible before. She still has her idiosynchrosies, but has an internal coping mechanism that she did not have before. Hope things get better for you both soon.
Alysia
Thank you Dana! I always appreciate your perspective and your outlook with sweet Lucy. This helps so much.
Gab's Mom
I did not read all of the comments above. That being said… Water. Water. Water. Try letting him play in the bathtub. Hopefully, there is time for this. When my little SPD child has these feelings we go straight to the tub and float, and splash, and relax and play. Then, when we get out her assaulting senses are calmer. She is “usually” good with the clothes and her own skin at that point.
It helps us. Maybe it can help your little guy too.
Blessings!!!
Trisha
My first thought was water too. Definitely spend some quality time soaking. Up any omega-3′s you’ve got in his life and wine for you. Hang in there, the advice about changing being hard is so true. I had to laugh though when you mentioned the long sleeve/short sleeve transition. My son who isn’t on the spectrum does this every year. It happens on the other end of the season as well.
Alysia
Love the water idea! We’ve been doing a LOT of tub time and it definitely helps. Getting him out of the tub…not so easy!
We may make the tub a nightly activity instead of a break from the shower.
My Asperger's Teen
I struggled with similar issues with my son for YEARS and we have finally gotten into a groove (around age 10 or so, and he’s 13 now). It has made a huge difference in my life to know that we no longer have the morning battles over getting dressed. But I really thought I would lose my mind before we got to that point.
I agree with other commenters who suggested things like tights under his clothes – my son used to be convinced that his pants would fall off even when the waistbands were leaving red marks on his skin. A pair of tights really helped with that issue.
So sorry for your stress, but please know that it does get a little better with time. I still have to cut off tags and check materials and fight against sweatpants in 90 degree weather, but your son will likely become better able to verbalize what’s bothering him as he grows older. Hugs to you!
Alysia
I am feeling like I’m losing my mind in a battle I can’t win. I’m happy to know that things have evened our for your son. Thank you for sharing.
Aimee Velazquez
I hate these times too. The not knowing is so hard…on all of us. I had thought perhaps he needed tight as well. Tight like a hug after all of the simultaneous shifts going on. Tight like the security of being swaddled. Just a thought. Thank you for sharing! I always enjoy reading your posts…even the hard ones, because I feel validation in your words. xoxo
Alysia
tight like swaddled. definitely. thank you. So glad you came over here Aimee. Love reading your words too
Jaimee
Big hugs to you Alysia!!! It’s so hard to be in that survival mode : ( One of the things about SPD that makes me want to bang my head into the wall is that there are SO MANY variables!! It makes it so difficult to pinpoint which reactions are caused from what!?
I agree that likely his bucket just got too full with all the simultaneous stressors. When that happens with our son, his coping takes a nosedive. It’s not just SPD for him, it’s also anxiety. In our house, increased anxiety leads to increased sensory reactions….I’m wondering if he’s having a hard time with the new behavior plan? Maybe he feels pressured? And the thought of his teacher being gone on maternity leave, that would certainly be a trigger with our son. He crashes on a single day when a substitute is there.
Growth spurt, season change, pollen, you being gone…I think Lisa is right – it all created the “perfect storm.”
Hang in there Momma! It will probably pass as abruptly and mysteriously as it arrived. Doesn’t make the ride any easier, but you are doing a good job helping him through it. Even if it feels like the problem is not solved, you ARE helping him through it.
Alysia
Thanks Jaimee. That means a lot. The variables…that’s just it, isn’t it? Sigh.
Alysia
I want you all to know how much these comments have meant to me today. I was really at my wit’s end, and it was getting ugly here. I mentioned the tights to him tonight and he said “yes! get them now!” So I’m thinking you are all on to something. And for that I am so grateful. He’s currently naked, asleep in my bed. I just decided the battle was too much for another night.
This community means so much to me – you are supportive, insightful and non-judgmental. Just here to help. I’m so lucky to be a part of this with all of you.
Gloriana Beausoleil
A weighted vest might help, too. One of my sons prefers to use an almost-too-small flotation vest, cinched up really tight. He feels like he has armor on, and it gives him a hug at the same time. Oh, I feel for you.
Susan
Sending a huge hug to help you through this. Lots of great suggestions here. One other tool I use quite a bit is an alternative healing method called Energy Therapy or Energy Work. One type of this is Reiki (I became a Reiki Level One practitioner in a one day class). Most people are not familiar with this sort of “medicine”, but it really can help. And best of all, it absolutely can not hurt or do damage. This has helped my son a lot in the past 2 years.
Patty
Alysia,
I don’t really have any suggestions, just want to say I understand the guilt and being overwhelmed. we are having some difficult issues arise lately with Danny and I have not a clue how to help him. It is such a terrible feeling to be this helpless, but I’m sure we’ll both figure something out, right?
Wish I could help somehow, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here!
Patty
Dawn
My guy is 10. Whenever he went through a growth spurt physically, or a mental growth sput, or teething, or, you name it, things would get dicey. My guy used to like clothes right out of the dryer, all warm. Sometimes I would spritz a little lavender, Near them (not on them) because lavender is supposed to be a calming natural scent. My guy would come out of these horrible exacerbations, and my husband and I would look at each other and say “What the h*ll was that?!”. We would wonder why it happened and why he is back to our “normal”, but sadly we rarely ever knew. It is much better now that he is older! Hang in there. You are doing the best you can.
Spectrummy Mummy
We have this with Cubby. You may have already tried this, but I didn’t see it mentioned- have you tried therapeutic brushing? I’m now doing it on both children as even my seeker has become tactile defensive. I do see some improvements, but both are still very selective about clothing choices. Let me know if you want to know more about the brushing. I can send you a demo if you like.
Alysia
We did brushing in EI – we didn’t see much results in it. Mostly because he would never let us do it, only the therapist and only for a short amount of time. Couldn’t hurt to try again.
Doodle
I was wondering if you use brushing too.
I think others have mentioned my whole arsenal:
swimming (or baths)
brushing
weighted blanket
tight sports underwear – shirts and shorts or long johns.
My little climber (8) wears the shirts daily, under his uniform or as his normal shirts on non-school days.
Alysia
To everyone: again I thank you.
Spent $100 at Target today, came home with biking shorts and leggings (all girl stuff but let’s not tell him that)
Let him try it on first, then pick what he wanted to sleep in.
He stayed in the tub until he said it was time to come out.
Fussed about his clothing for about 2 minutes as I put the leggings on.
Asleep in 5 minutes tonight.
I am SO SO grateful.
Thank you.
Will it be like this tomorrow night? I don’t know. But for one night – peace for him and me.
Lizbeth
My word, they are alike….maybe because I’m in the throws of this myself I don’t have much to say. Alex will tell me his arm hurts and 10 seconds later he pukes. The connection’s crossed. This is the point where I say do what ever it takes to get them calm and centered. I do something that’s not been mentioned and it works for Alex–I sit down with him and play out his day and touch on some of his anxieties. Something like, “You know when I have strange teacher that I don’t know it makes me feel all funny inside. Like I have bunnies in my belly. Its OK to feel that…..” We play out his day with me narrating his feelings and it helps him understand that he’s not alone and someone else really gets what he’s dealing with. Sorry for the long-windedness of this comment. I hope he’s doing well…