So why does it still upset ME that the boy won’t participate in things?
He isn’t upset by it at all.
He told us yesterday and this morning that he was not going to hunt eggs. And he stayed true to his word. He did not hunt eggs. He knew that no one was going to share their candy with him and he was okay with that. He even helped his buddy get all of the candy from his eggs and never once asked for any. His buddy was kind enough to share. After the egg hunt at church we went to Bass Pro Shops to let them blow off some steam and feed them before bringing them home. Didn’t even think about the fact that they would have a bunny, a hunt, and a craft. We did not stand in the looooong line for pictures. He wouldn’t have gotten one anyway. Just the younger one. He wouldn’t do the craft nor participate in this egg hunt either.
The one there was even more calm-get a bag, find 5 eggs (all over the store) and trade empty eggs for a bag of candy. No crazy egg grabbing….no running…”no thanks,” he said.
I am guessing there are two reasons why it upsets me. The first is I am sad that he doesn’t have the same memories as I did as a child. I LOVED egg hunts and getting my picture with the Easter bunny (well once I was old enough to not be afraid of strangers). I loved making crafts and doing all of these things and I wanted to enjoy them with my kids too. And I should be thankful for the younger one that does like to do these things. And I am…just sad that it isn’t both.
Which leads to the next reason. It is yet another glowing reminder that he is different. And not that different is less. It is just different, and some days that makes me sad. And it is okay to mourn what I don’t have, so long as I don’t dwell on it and can celebrate the things we can do. For example. He attended the egg hunt without a meltdown. I know for some families that would be a small miracle in and of itself. He very clearly stated that he didn’t want to hunt eggs, and we did not force or try to coerce him into it. He went from that “chaos” to Bass Pro Shops that was a little more chaotic and got even more so by the time we left. He didn’t have to walk around with his hands over his ears all day. He didn’t require any special sensory things. He wore his hoodie over his head to block some sounds and otherwise was pleasant to be with all day. He even told the waitress what he wanted and ate it when it came, which he picked out all by himself when he looked at the menu.
He is a dear sweet little boy and I love him so much. I pray that he doesn’t even think my disappointment with situations is disappointment with him.