“Well, well, anyway, blue is the only color for a really useful engine.
Everyone knows that!” - Thomas the Tank Engine
O loves trains! Actually, O is obsessed with trains. It wasn’t until he began attending preschool that he started to explore the fact that toys other than trains exist and might actually be enjoyable to play with. Even so, more often than not, the trains win.
He is particularly fond of Thomas the Tank Engine, as so many boys his age are. However, he also has a detailed knowledge of how steam engines work. He knows things about pistons, fire boxes and drive rods. He also has an unlimited knowledge of freight cars and coaches, mail cars and diesels. While I am proud of all the train knowledge O has acquired, I do recognize that this is not typical of many 4 year olds.
Trains are also O‘s comfort item. He uses them to de-stress, much like I use a hot bubble bath, a good book or my own blog. He could, and has, spent hours organizing and creating stories with his trains. He likes to be alone with them, to get lost in his imagination, where he is in control. This comfort and control, along with his knowledge and obsession, does not make sharing or socializing with his trains very easy.
Several weeks ago, we had another family over for dinner. They have two boys around O‘s age. This took a tremendous amount of courage on my part, not knowing how O would handle having other boys his age at the house, playing with his toys. When prepping him for the evening, we discussed that the boys would be coming and that he would have to share his toys. I wish I could accurately describe the look on O‘s face…it was pure anxiety. Not because he doesn’t enjoy the boys or that he hadn’t played with them before, but because he would have to share his toys, more specifically his trains. I know that all 4 year olds struggle with sharing, but I would argue, for a different reason.
My son is truly afraid that someone will use his trains incorrectly. Even adults are typically not allowed to touch the trains, but rather watch as O explains the story the trains are telling that day.
So, back to the prepping…we talked about what toys we would share and what special toys we would put away. I must admit, I struggle with this. How will he learn to share if we don’t require it? But, in our journey, we take baby steps. Sharing the dinosaurs and toy cars was hard enough, but the trains would have been too much…at least for now.
The evening went well, sharing and all. It wasn’t until the end of the evening when the boys were helping clean up that O had a minor meltdown – after all, they weren’t putting the toys away correctly! Again, the word obsessive comes to mind. Like I said before, it’s a journey. But, I think we’re on the right track!
Comments
Heather
We have a train lover too. My little man is almost 3 and has been obsessed since he was 1. Once we figure out how to talk I will not be surprised if he tells us all about them too!
Glad you are on the right track!
Heather Finnegan
That would be my boy as well! We have gone to many “Day out with Thomas” events and have had vacations revolve around visiting railroad museums and railroad festivals. We saw the 4448 Southern Pacific Daylight when it was in Michigan. We have been on the 1225 Pere Marquette, that was the steam engine that they patterned the steam train in the animated movie Polar Express, that my son couldn’t watch for a while because it looked like the train was going to fall into the water! My son did not let us play with his trains, rather we watched him play. He did not share them as you could not “break-up” the trains from a specific order. My boy is now about to turn 7 and while he still LOVES trains, and can tell you all about diesels, electrics, and steamies, he has opened his horizons a bit. We now love Angry Birds and Legos! He still gets “stuck” needing them to go a certain way, but each little step towards being able to handle things out of his control…it comes with time, therapy, and practice! Lots and lots of time!
Jenny from the Block
Lovely story! I think you did the right thing, waiting to share his special trains. You know your child best, and you can tackle that when he seems more ready. I just read something in one of the sensory books that asked us adults how we would feel if we had to share a prized possession of ours, a favorite sweater a first edition book, especially with someone we were not super close to…that would be hard! I never thought of ti that way. These items are special and important to our kids, and having to share with people really can cause genuine distress!
My baby boy, 2 in Sept, is not into trains. He does love cars, though. He does not have specific ways of doing things yet, not sure if that will come. He does like to take them in and out, hide them in a certain spot or stack them in a certain spot, but he is OK if he touch them. I am just glad that is is not throwing them anymore…most of the time.