I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t love me so much.
- Mother Teresa
So, I am a big, fat chicken! Took O and his sister, E, to the doctor for their well-child check-ups and the doctor offered to take care of O‘s kindergarten shots, even though he still has another year of preschool before he will be kindergarten age. Dr. K said that these shots can be given anytime after a child turns four and still count for kindergarten readiness. This sounds like good news, except that…I’m a big, fat chicken!
Although Dr. K is not technically allowed tell me what to do, he strongly encouraged me to consider having the shots. After all, most insurance companies don’t pay for two well-child check-ups in one year. However, I knew that this wasn’t the case for my insurance. I had checked into this two years ago when E entered kindergarten, since her birthday is also in April and kindergarten registration is often in March. So, I really didn’t have to worry about that.
What I did have to worry about was that, not only had I not prepared O for this doctor visit – the time had gotten away from me – but I had definitely not prepared him to get shots. In all fairness, he did really well with the visit, largely in part because he got to watch his big sister bravely go through all of the same things he was going to have to do. You should have seen his face when the nurse mistakenly asked him to get weighed first. I didn’t think he would let go of me. I calmly asked E if she would go first. Being an awesome big sister, she complied.
So, after a relatively easy visit, I couldn’t imagine having to endure four shots. None of us were prepared for that. So, no shots. But, the whole way home I berated myself, internally of course, about my lack of courage. Why didn’t I just get the shots? Wouldn’t it have been easier? Aside from the screaming four year old I would have had to restrain, on my own, while the “shot lady” asked me, not so politely, to keep him still, it would have been okay, right? No, it was just too hard!
This is one thing that I continually struggle with as a mother of a special needs child…when and how far to push. So, sometimes I just don’t push at all. I know that it’s not the best solution, but it is at times the most comfortable solution for me and for O. It’s possible that the shot situation is not the best example. I mean, any mother in the same situation, might make the same decision for their child, right? But, I wouldn’t have, at least not for my girls.
However, I am famous for this, for taking the easy way out, especially when it comes to O. I have often let his teachers and therapists do the pushing, and when I am confident that he has made significant progress, I can then help him into mastery and with generalizing that skill. It’s the initial push that kills me.
Why is this so hard? Because, I want life to be easier for him. Because, as much as I love him and appreciate him for who he is, I wish things were different. I don’t want him to have to endure the issues that are a part of his make-up. I don’t want to be the one who makes things harder. Even though my intellect knows he needs practice with these hard things, my heart says something entirely different.
In most areas of my life, I lead with my head, not my heart. I am all about being rational and using practical and logical reasoning. With O, I am in constant battle with my emotional side. I am hoping to win this war, in time.
Comments
Susan S.
You did the same as I would have done. Please be gentle on yourself. Leading life with your heart is a very good place to be. Having to go against that, is what brings such heartache and trauma into our lives. I have the same struggles with my son. And more often than not, I listen to my heart. When the decision is really the right one, your head and your heart will agree. When they disagree, I usually go with my heart.
Mary
I would have waited, too. The last time they tried to draw blood, there were two nurses and me. We didn’t get the blood so I know how hard it can be.
bek
SO many good reasons NOT to have done the shots this visit — the best of which is that you had not prepared him for them. I would definitely have made the same decision. There’s a book, “It’s Check-up Time Elmo!” that includes Elmo getting a shot. Have used that one with my kiddo who is now 5 as it walks him through many steps of the visit. I berate myself for letting my son take a DVD player to the well-child (or any other doctor’s) visit. It lets me talk to the doctor and actually pay attn to what the doctor has to say. Of course, I am well aware that every visit they remind me that screen time should be limited to no more than 2 hours per day. So, I suspect being self-critical comes along with the territory of being a good mom.
Jenny from the Block
I agree, be gentle with yourself. You can only handle what you can handle on any given day, and it is ok. Once you make a decision, just be at peace with it and move forward. This is something I am working on, too, as I tend to agonize before AND after a decision, esp one that affects my kids. Hugs! We do an alternative vax schedule, but if we were on the traditional one, I so would have made the same choice.