I wonder what my neighbors must think of me. Yesterday, they saw me outside swinging my son, and today I am out doing the same thing. Did I mention I am wearing the same outfit as yesterday’s swing jaunt? If I am keeping it real, I also slept in this outfit. My plans to do a little laundry and to shower and put on fresh clothes were apparently much too lofty. My son had other plans. He decided to stay up late last night, yet wake up early this morning. I figured he’d take a solid nap due to the lack of sleep. Instead, he skipped nap all together. He yelled and cried when I attempted to give him quiet time, or as he sees it, trick-me-into-napping time. He was clingy and crabby and sensory seeking all day. Just one of those days. Not the first, and won’t be the last. My husband later said I should let him cry in his bed while I shower, but I just didn’t have it in me today. Sometimes it literally hurts my heart too much to hear him cry. He is not just throwing a fit to get his way. He feels genuinely distressed on days like this, and making him cry alone through that distresses mama. So we skipped nap, even though it meant my neighbor’s might think I am a same-outfit wearing, frizzy-hair rocking grub ball.
Thankfully, there are other days when I am able to shower and brush my hair. There are times when things go smoothly, when Buddy is a happy little dude and Sis has got it together. The thing I am learning is that every day is different. Before I knew my son had SPD, or had even heard of SPD for that matter, I always joked that he was consistent in one thing…his inconsistency. I have read two books lately trying to make sense of SPD, and both have taught me that inconsistency is common in sensory kiddos. I have never been a fan of uncertainty or a c’est la vie gal, yet now I have to face it each and every day. Ha ha life, you got me again and yes I see the irony. Having always been someone who loves a good laugh, at least I can see the humor in it. Today anyhow. Perhaps tomorrow I might cry. Or yell. Or flounder about in the same clothes with questionable hair. Looks like I am not too consistent these days myself!
As fate would have it, my children landed on opposite ends of the SPD spectrum. It’s both frustrating and laugh-worthy that my oldest avoids loud noises while my youngest seeks them out. You should see them when they are both in “sensory mode.” Little one: Bang BOOM Crash SCREECH Laugh! Big one: Mom, I cannot concentrate! He is too loud and it is making my head confused! Cue hands over ears or on hip, depending on the sass level that day. Little one then begins spinning and throwing. Big one starts clenching her hands and spiraling closer to a flailing, sobbing meltdown. Throw in an 80-pound attention-seeking dog and a hungry husband who claims he cannot operate the stove and…Ta dah! The bedlam is complete! I have yet to figure out how to manage the conflicting sensory needs of my children when it is just the three of us, which is often. I suppose that’s best since it will undoubtedly change the next day. As I go upstairs to finally change my rumpled outfit, I am fittingly reminded that change is necessary and can be a good thing. With this is mind, I commit to embracing change as I navigate not just this sensory journey or parenthood, but life in all its inconsistent, chaotic glory.
But who knows, maybe I will change my mind tomorrow.