Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together when everyone else would understand
if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
- Christopher Reeves
Picture a mom, standing in the middle of a parking lot, carrying a large, pink bag. Behind her, about 10 feet, is a screaming four-year old boy. What are you thinking? What do you want to say to her?
This was my scene last Friday. It was the last day of school for my girls and O and I were going to watch them both perform in the school’s talent show. He and I had talked about our day, what we would be doing and in what order. I had also prepared a bag (my large pink one) with enough snacks, drinks and activities to last us through the two hours we would be outside at the school. In my mind, we were ready.
And, things were great…until we started walking from the car into the school. We had walked a few steps and then O stopped. He started crying for me to pick him up. Although, I sometimes will still carry him, today I had my hands full and it was not physically possible for me to carry him and the bag. This – me not carrying him – was obviously not in his plan. He began screaming, yelling and would not move. He was yelling things about the sun, the wind, and saying, “Mom, I’m raising my hands!” Huh?
So, here I was, in the middle of the parking lot, trying to analyze the situation, in order to figure out the best response. One thing was obvious…I was NOT going to carry him! Other than that, I searched my brain for reasons, for the why of his behavior. Was it because I had carried him part of the way the day before, when walking into the school to pick up the girls? Was he bothered by the sun? Was there something in his shoe? Did he simply not want to walk?
I tried walking away, he screamed louder. I reminded him that we would have time to play on the play structure, he continued screaming. I tried offering him his hat, he screamed louder. I offered him a snack, he screamed even louder. Are you getting the picture?
And, of course, the louder he got, the more parents began arriving to watch their own children in the talent show. This was clearly not my best moment!
Ultimately, I decided even though I couldn’t pick him up, I also couldn’t stay in the parking lot. So, I put him in front of me and started walking. With my weight and momentum behind him, he had no choice but to walk. We walked like that all the way to the outdoor stage where the talent show would be. Once we got there, I offered O a spot in the shade, to sit on a towel and eat his snack. And, without argument, he sat and ate. As if the parking lot episode had never happened. Again, huh?
While the rest of the morning did not go without incident, it was pleasant. I got to watch and record both girls perform in the talent show and O and I got some fun time on the playground.
I’m still not sure what happened, why O picked this morning to refuse to walk. I have come up with many reasons, but have no clear answer. He has done this before and I’m fairly certain he will do it again. But, I’m not giving up. I will continue to hold it together, to respond calmly, and to love him in the way only his mother can.
Comments
Susan S.
Good for you. I have so been there too. Keep on going.
Melissa Jonovich
Ugh! Honey! I have been there. I’m so sorry. Thanks for sharing. Makes me feel less alone. They are such a mystery. Keep it up mama! You’re doing great!
Forgotten
My boys do this at different times. Sometimes it’s because they are tired, others overwhelmed, others are a total mystery. Our kids have different difficulties that we don’t necessarily see. He may have been saying the part about holding his arms up meaning that he was asking you to pick him up (the way small children do when they want to be picked up but can’t really tell you). It could have been something you didn’t notice such as the heat of the parking lot through the bottom of his shoes, the smell from the hot pavement (he’s built lower to the ground than we are so he smells things we don’t notice), a glare from a window that was hitting him and not you, something flapping or a sound coming from inside that he didn’t like, his leg could have been itching…a million things they can’t voice.
I’ve been there, mama. You did the best you can. Sometimes we simply can’t understand the things our children go through and we may never learn the reasons for their reactions. You handled the situation the best way you knew how. You both made it through and successfully made it inside the building and to the next point in your plan. I say it was a success even with the road bump!
Just keep doing what you’re doing. You handled it well and you will continue to learn from these situations. Way to go! ((HUGS))
ReinventingMommy
This is actually a constant, on-going problem in our house. It has been for over a year. We’ve worked on it with his special instructor, but nothing has stuck. We just try to maintain consistency and, as he’s getting older and heavier, we’ve been forced to resort to getting a handicapped placard for our car so that we can shorten the distance he has to walk (he has hypotonia, which complicates walking a bit for him).
Just keep doing what you’re doing. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’ve tried to just not let the stares get to me. You know what you’re doing for your child is right.
Natasha
My son, now 5 has similar struggles. Many times he has just stopped in a car park and i have had to carry him, for his own saftey. The sun in his eyes is a big issue, and sometimes it can be just the change in terrain – from concrete to asphalt! we have found he walks better pushing something – like an empty stroller, which he can then hop into when his legs”stop working” although he barely fits into it now! thanks for sharing
Heather
We deal with this all the time going from our car to a store. (I was just telling my friend about it!) I normally end up plopping him into a shopping cart while people stare and he screams.
We call it “turning to rubber” because he just falls down like his bones melted or something.
Selfishly I am glad we are not alone!
MotherL
My son is 3 1/2 and does this frequently as well. He is getting bigger and it is becoming a puzzle as to how to deal with not being able to carry him. For the most part we just do what you did and try to gently nudge him forward. And also, like your boy, my son also flips off like a light and it is so confusing. I just try to remind myself that the “why” isn’t always important. Sometimes just knowing what helps him calm down afterward is the best thing.