That moment…
when the whole world is outside running and jumping and playing and eating…
and the noise level rises…
and the grill sends a smokey haze of smells into the air…
and the crowd descends on the unfamiliar foods with constant chatter…
and you stand behind your child as he sits at the table and folds up into himself…
and you know – you just KNOW – he can’t be in the crowd, the heat, the noise…
and you move inside with your child just so he’ll take one bite before you give him his yogurt smoothie…
and you sit alone at the table to finish your potato salad while watching him quietly drive his Hot Wheels cars around…
and you hear the laughter and joy waft in through the open windows…
and you avoid the looks of others as they walk past those windows…
and you ignore the “Where are they?” and “Why?” questions…
and you remember how you used to long for your child to want to be outside with them and not in with you.
And then…
you realize how much happier you are to just let him be him….
and let you be you…
and you stop caring what comes in through the window…
and only care about the quiet gentle happy play in front of you.
That moment…
When all that matters is the child in front of you.
His needs. Your needs.
The same needs.
That moment when you stop caring about the shoulds, the ought tos, and the have tos…
That moment when you know you are right where you need to be.
When you can finally let it go.
That is the moment of freedom as a parent.
“I want one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I’m racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity” – One Moment in Time by Whitney Houston
Comments
WonderfullyFi
So….where’s the tissue warning missy?!
Seriously….you are SO right! I hadn’t taken the time to sit back and notice that before. I’m the mother who sits and stresses and whines because it’s all so unfair….. I have you to thank for opening my eyes so that in future I will just enjoy the moment instead…
Alysia
Tissue alert! There you go
It’s hard to enjoy the moment. It is but really, I needed the break too. So it worked for us both. And it was so freeing.
Kathy at kissing the frog
I am printing this out as a reminder for myself to let my son be himself and for me to not worry about everyone and everything else. Beautiful as usual, Alysia, thank you!
Alysia
Awww…that means a lot.
Lisa
I was there on July 14….and for the first time, I breathed, he breathed…and we just were. Thanks for this….always nice to know there are others walking this path.
Alysia
We walk a lot of the same paths together.
Forgotten
I was the mom who got weird looks because I took my kids behind a trailer and we sat lined up against a wall facing the back side of the trailer to eat our food at the street fair. Everyone ate. It was peaceful. No one cried or threw their food down or sat with their ears covered because we weren’t being subjected to the thrash of people who were all crowded together trying to eat and walk and dance and talk, etc…
I’m getting better at finding peace in our differences becuase that’s all we need is a little more peace.
Wonderful post, Alysia. Thank you for the reminder. 
Alysia
I would have been right there with you behind the trailer. Good for you for doing what worked for your family.
Susan S.
Great post, and great realization. I figured out a long time ago, that going to the county fair with my son was just not going to happen. Although, as he is older (9 now), he has learned to love going on the rides that give such great vestibular and proprioceptive input. So, we can go to some places and do some things.
But when he was little, my first thought was always of him: is he ok here or do we need to move to a quiet place, or do we just need to leave? He would tantrum all the time at the grocery store, and I, thankfully, didn’t let opinions of others enter my mind. They didn’t know my kid or live with him every day.
Putting myself into my son’s world helps a lot.
Alysia
It does help a lot. And recognizing my own sensory issues has helped too. It makes doing what is best for my kid also best for me as his parent and as a person.
Karla (Mom2MissK)
God, I am struggling with this right now. We drive between therapies. We stay — just the two of us — together and play… because it seems like she’s less able to handle her peers. I keep turning down play dates… or leaving early…
I wish I had your peace right now. I need that.
Alysia
It took me a long long long time. And it’s not every moment. But this time – I was able to just let go. You’ll get there. You will.
Jenny from the Block
Loved it. I am still working on this and hope to have that freedom.
Alysia
Circumstances help. I was with mostly family, and when we “disappeared”, we were left alone. But it has given me the strength to do it again. And again. And you will too. <3
ReinventingMommy
Absolutely beautiful.
It took a while, but you’re right – there is a peace in letting go of everyone else’s expectations and surrendering your focus to you and your child. While I wish that my boy would want to play with the other kids and feel comfortable in the revelry of childhood, I also count my blessings in those moments in which it is me and him and no one else. I also take solace in knowing that – through that freedom of letting go – I can see my son find some comfort and joy.
Alysia
Exactly. Thank you <3
Flannery
Ok, you got me with that one. *sniff*
I find that acceptance isn’t a one-shot deal, but more of a daily struggle, it ebbs and flows.