With a typical kid you can read parenting magazines and books. You can look up tips on how to deal with X, Y, and Z. One of the most difficult (and at the same time most wonderful) things about our Sensational kids is that they are so unique. You really have to follow your instincts and let them guide you. Being the mom of a child with SPD I have learned to ditch traditional advice and parent my son in a way as unique as he is.
When I first decided to ditch the milestone checklists and advice column mumbo jumbo it was freeing. I felt empowered listening to my own instincts. When my son misbehaved I couldn’t follow the traditional advice of putting him in time-out, because that only intensified the behavior. To calm down he needs physical sensory input, so instead of a “time out” we do a “time in”, where he sits on my lap and gets that deep pressure he needs to calm down. The same thing goes when he tantrums. Instead of ignoring the tantrum, which is the typical advice you’d read about, I will hug him or give him joint compressions to calm him down. Figuring out his different needs made me feel triumphant.
However, I’ve come to the point where my mommy instincts are failing me. Trevor is getting bigger and stronger. Add in the fact that I’m pregnant and giving deep pressure to a flailing, kicking child just isn’t safe. Plus he’ll be heading off to developmental preschool in September and I won’t be there to help calm him down. I can’t give him the sensory input he needs if I’m not around. So now I’m at a loss. I know he needs deep pressure to calm down, but how do you teach an almost 3-year-old to give himself that input? What techniques can I teach him to soothe himself? I need help and would love to hear from other SPD parents how you deal with discipline and teaching self-soothing techniques to your kids.
Comments
Heather Finnegan
Thankfully the teachers at my son’s Kindergarten were willing to give him a big hug to help him (he is 7 and can articulate what he needs fairly well). I wonder if a weighted blanket or time with a yoga ball rolled over him would help? My son also likes to roll up in a blanket (even in the middle of summer). Just throwing out things that work for my son, I know each child is different and each will need a different calming strategy. Best wishes on figuring that out.
Genevieve
I think a weighted blanket might be a really good way for him to self regulate. It is great deep pressure.
I remember the day the phone call came when my five year old was inconsolable. He slapped one teacher and kicked another in his meltdown. When I received the call he was sitting in a room with two teachers and the principal just sobbing. Ten minutes later, he still sobbed when I arrived. I held him, but that didn’t stop the crying. Finally, I had a thought. I asked them if they had a weighted blanket. We had never used one, but I had done some reading on it just prior to this incident. They did. They put it around his shoulders and he immediately calmed down. We then had him lie down on a mat covered with this blanket and within fifteen minutes of wearing the blanket he calmed down. He now has one at home and he will be taking one with him when he starts Kindergarten next week.
Tricia Callahan
Our OT has been teaching my little one to give herself big hugs and to press her hands together (like when you say a prayer) and push real hard.
Susan S.
I go along with everything suggested. Have you tried SPIO shirts or pants http://www.spioworks.com/ -compression garments that give a continual hug. I would also recommend a weighted blanket or lap pad and weighted vest for school. Rolling up in a blanket and being pressed on, is something my son loves. And having a mini trampoline has been a must for my son. He also likes it when we put a sofa cushion on the floor, he gets on it, and we put another cushion on him; so he’s a sandwich- and squish him. Some of these are things your little guy can do himself, and some things he’ll need a little help with. Best of luck.
Jenny S-A
I recently learned that standing, holding & rocking my child when he’s upset works wonders a lot of the time, as long as he hasn’t gotten too far. I know this won’t help you in your situation b/c it still can be dangerous, if he suddenly lashes out b/c it’s not enough, or too late. However, I relate to the part about traditional advice not doing well for kids with sensory issues, or Autism, like my kid. I even have a speech therapist through EI who wants me to ignore it & not hug or hold my son when he gets screamy frustrated. Drives me nuts! I don’t need you to make me feel like I’m making him a spoiled brat lady, I need you to help him communicate, so to lessen his frustration. Oy.
For those who’ve done weighted blankets – my son hates having a blanket on him at all times, all blankets – is there a different option that gives the same sort of comfort?
tana
I agree with the above suggestions and if your son is in OT, I’d work with his therapist to figure out an appropriate sensory diet for your current state of life. I’m pregnant, too, and we’ve found that if my son has a quiet, enclosed space to retreat to, he’ll calm himself down eventually. He likes kid-sized tents, so we got him the loft bed with the tent from Ikea and he really enjoys being up there.
Motherhood and Other Adventures
Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions! He has issues with overheating easily so we can’t use a weighted vest unfortunately, but maybe we’ll have some luck with a weighted lap pad or blanket. We just switched to a new OT, so hopefully she’ll have some more insight into what he exactly needs once she gets to know him better too.
Shannon
My son gets overstimulated very easily and he benefits from deep pressure and heavy work as well. Speak with your son’s OT about developing a sensory diet at school which would have set breaks through his day to give him the input he needs. Some things that works for my son: a body sock, bear hugs, brushing/joint compression, animal walks, wrapped in blanket ( you can purchase spandex material and use that – light weight), therapy ball, hold a weighted stuffed animal (i’ve filled his with aquarium gravel)