I am the mom of twin boys – one who has SPD or better known in South Africa where we live as SID (Sensory integration disorder). He is also visually impaired in his right eye but is high functioning and apparently highly intelligent to gifted. The OT has recommended that he attends an ordinary main stream school and specifically the one our older daughter is attending. We applied for admission. The school requested to evaluate Mr L at the school for grade R (Kindergarten elsewhere in the world) . I was extremely stressed about this but the evaluation day went very well. It seems like my dream of all 3 kids in the same main stream school will come true.
The school came back with an acceptance to grade R but with a proposal for us. They propose that we start him in grade RR to gain confidence in being the one that knows most in the class and to give him the chance to lay the foundation a bit better. He will then be moved to grade R when they feel he is ready for it. My hubby and I discussed it and really for him it was an easy decision to take them up on the offer. I feel very happy that the school and the headmaster and headmistress from the pre primary took the time to look at him and make an unique plan for him. Happy that they looked at him as an individual. Our OT agrees it is a good plan providing that they do not keep him in grade RR for long as she feels he might get bored. His current teacher feels the same.
However it almost implies that he will eventually go to grade 1 a year later than he is suppose to. Taking into account that he is a boy and a late baby for his year it is not the worst of it. The fact that he has SID/SPD issues and also a physical disability with his eye and that most certainly will interfere with the crossing of the median and reading it seems a good decision nevertheless. They also proposed to evaluate Mr C at the end of next year to establish if he will be ready for grade 1 in his age appropriate year as often boys late in the year are not. At this stage his current teacher mentioned that she doubts he will not be ready.
So it seems as if our twins will not be in the same grade. I know that if Mr L was not part of a set of twins this would have been way less of an issue to me. I may not even have thought twice about it. But is makes me very sad. It breaks my heart to feel that he got the short end of the draw in the twin set. The kids watched our daughter’s grade R graduation and concert the night before last and my only thought was that next year this time Mr C will be there – and Mr L not. Will he blame us some day? Will he be teased as he has been before because he wears glasses? Now he will wear glasses and have to do sport with the grade older than him. I guess we will have to cross those bridges when we come to it. And deal with it in a way that will keep his self image as high as possible.
What this will do is force us to see them as the individuals they are – which have in any event been our mindset all along.
I know that I have to push aside what I feel and concentrate on doing what will be best for him.I want to be excited for him, see him bloom the way the other two do. It may be a year later than his brother, but bloom he will. In a mainstream school that we love.
Comments
DRS_Are_Best
I know how important it is for parents of multiples to keep them together as much as possible. My twins are also in what we call kindergarten, but in my case, they are both Autistic. But when they separated them into two separate preschool programs (so their individual needs could be addressed), intellectually I knew it was the right thing, but emotionally I was a mess. I saw how my Ballerina and Music Man THRIVED when they were put into a shared crib when they no longer needed to be in an incubator at 6 days old. But it has worked out GREAT for them. They both thrived in their respective programs.
I know other twins from when I was growing up who graduated in different years…..one was not ready to move up while the other was. And, I think for them, it was a good thing. You don’t want to push one more than he can handle, and you don’t want to have to hold the other one back.
As MoMs (Moms of Multiples), we see our twins both as two individuals and as a single unit, no matter how hard we try to avoid that trap. If he does get held back a year (RR for the full year, then R), while the other one continues to advance, that’s just one of the times we need to see them as individuals. And, who knows? Maybe in a couple of years, you can accelerate so they do end up in the same class.
You’re in a GREAT place right now, with a school willing to work with each of your children’s needs! Just remember that you work as a team to decide what those best interests are.
(sorry for such a long comment)