Stamina: the Merriam Webster online dictionary defines the word as STAYING POWER, ENDURANCE. Yup. I’d agree. Being able to endure and keep on, even when you’re tired down to your bones. Keep trying, keep looking, keep searching, keep going.
Stamina is what keeps a mother going, day to day. It doesn’t necessarily prevent her from going a little crazy when things are a little too tough. But it keeps her putting one foot in front of the next, even when she wants to give up, throw in the towel, and run away screaming.
Stamina is what you need when you have a child who demands more from you than you’d ever believe you could handle. It is what you have when you keep dealing with meltdowns day after day, and often several a day. It is what you have when you try to help your child deal with the things in life that send them over their edge, on a very regular basis.
Stamina is what helps a mother make it from the minute she crawls out of bed, until she literally falls into it, at night. It tells her to pace herself, because this race is decades long. She’s in it for the long haul. It’s not just a 26 mile marathon, it’s a million mile marathon.
She looks and looks for things to help her “special” child who has an alphabet of diagnoses: programs, therapies, medicines. Some things help. Lots do not. Stamina is what keeps her looking for other ways to help her child. Stamina is what keeps her from giving up… or is it love?
What helps keep you going, when you’re at the end of your rope, and there is no knot?
Comments
Sybil
There are definitely some days when I wonder what it is that keeps me going. Parenting is a difficult road, especially when you add special needs. What I’ve to realize is that is that I rely a lot on my family and my faith. I’m grateful that I am not in this alone!
Susan S.
Sybil, I am glad you have family to support you. I do not have family around. In fact, I am also having to deal with an elderly and mentally ill mother who lives across country from me. I do, however have a small circle of good friends that I can count on. Everyone needs their “people”, whoever they may be.
Just been having a tough time lately.
Heather Finnegan
My faith is what does it for me. I know that God gave me this child for a reason (because He knows that with His help I can do it) and God has a plan for both of my son’s lives. If it wasn’t for my faith, I am not sure how I would find the ability to keep going every day.
Susan S.
Great Heather! Even with my unshakable faith and understanding that this child and I made an agreement to spend this lifetime together, for both of us to learn some challenging life lessons, some times it’s just rough.
Kudos to you and to us all!
Amanda
I completely agree with you here. Sometimes you just don’t feel like you can make it to the next day. You feel like giving up because it feels like nothing you do will ever help this child – then they surprise you with the sweetest gestures, hugs, kisses, and laughs which remind you how much you love this little being and will do anything for.
We are only starting our journey with SPD (12 month old seeker who refuses to eat most days) in another country away from all of our family and friends – where the only ones we have are ourselves.
What keeps us going? Knowing that he needs us and that we are the best people to help him deal with life.
STAMINA – lets hope we all have more of it… a lot more : )
Susan S.
Amanda, I wish you strength and stamina. And do whatever you can to create a support system. That is crucial! I have no family here, and had our son when we had lived where we are now for only 2 years. The only people I knew, and friends I had, were people I worked with- a 45 min. drive from home. It took a while, but I have cultivated some important friendships, where we lean on eachother. And much to my surprise, I am still meeting women in my area (whose kids are friends with my son), who are becoming friends. They (and my husband and belief system) are what keeps me going.
EHCMom
I’ve been thinking a lot about this very subject a lot the past two weeks. Our beautiful daughter came into our lives at 27 months old. She was neglected by her birth mother, who was a teenager living in a group home. We knew she would have some issues because of the neglect, but I just didn’t anticipate the 24/7 demands of a child with SPD. She has been part of our family now for three years, and as each year has passed, I’ve hoped for some normalcy to develop. It hasn’t, though, and many days I’m just so worn out I ask myself, “What were you thinking?” I love her so much and feel no differently about her than I do my two bio children, but the demands and discouragement of dealing with SPD have really worn me down, especially the last month as tantrums are becoming commonplace, where a few months ago they were rare. All that being said, what keeps me going? Thinking about where she would be if she hadn’t come into our family. I can’t imagine where she would be now without the hours of research and reading to determine she had sugar sensitivity, hours spent taking her to medical appointments to find out she had moderate hearing loss and getting her to speech therapy, all the lunch hours spent driving back and forth to a special preschool that could meet her needs, then after the SPD diagnosis three months ago, countless hours of research into OT methods, diets, therapy appointments, PPT meetings, emails to teachers and therapists fighting to get her something I know will help her. If it weren’t for the grace of God providing me with stamina each morning, I would be in one sorry state.
Susan S.
I hear you loud and clear. The amount of researching to figure things out with my son began when he was only 3 mos. old and had GERD. I suggested to his pediatrician that I thought he had reflux. It turned out he did.
We’ve been through speech, OT, vision therapy, PT, used Energy Therapy, have a relatively recent diagnosis of learning disabilities (dyslexia) and started with a tutor this fall, and are currently doing trials of ADHD meds (that so far, have been miserable failures).
All of this on top of being in the sandwich generation of having to care not only for my son, but also for my elderly and mentally ill mother.