Halloween is another one of those holidays that requires special planning when it comes to having a kiddo with SPD. Technically, I can’t think of many holidays that don’t require some kind of planning on my part…maybe Veteran’s Day? (Actually, that is a NO, because my father served in Vietnam and my boys are concerned that we honor him appropriately, so I don’t even get to take that holiday off. Ugh.)
Costumes: This is one of the harder parts for some families. The more sensitive your child is to fabrics, tags, and seams, the more you should aim towards homemade costumes. Take what they actually like to wear, and figure out how to make it into something else. Sweats? Give them a lab coat and a stethoscope for a doctor (or vet, so they can carry their stuffed animal!). Another way is picking a costume that they are SO OVER THE MOON about that they will wear it. It is only a matter of an hour or so. Or, my favorite, scrap the costume idea and let them go as themselves. There are DOZENS of book characters out there like “Amber Brown” or “Junie B. Jones” or “Hubie” (from Black Lagoon Series). Pick a regular kid from your child’s favorite book, and there you go—instant costume no scratchy things required. : ) Follow your child’s lead on this. Every kid is different and you can have a great Halloween regardless of the costume.
Manage Expectations: This means my expectations and theirs. Ground rules are a must for our family. When I was a kid it was more of a free-for-all candy excursion aimed at garnering the most high end candy options possible (no crappy raisins; BONUS for full sized candy bars). For my kids, it is about the adventure of visiting the neighbors at night. They know ahead of time there will be LIMITED CANDY (can’t say no candy, I mean, it is Halloween).
Make a Plan for the DAY not just NIGHT: The kids are going to be ready to go Trick Or Treating at approximately 6:13am when they wake up Saturday morning. But, shockingly, Halloween doesn’t officially start then. Give them a specific plan for the day—breakfast, Halloween-themed Saturday morning cartoons, free play time, pumpkin craft, lunch, Halloween movie, snack, free play time, dinner, costume on, double check everyone in the family is ready, and go. A plan for the entire day will ease the stress for them and in turn you. I encourage you to make a visual checklist for the day’s plan (like a story board, with pictures in list format). This will help keep stress down during the day for everyone.
Full Belly Before Trick Or Treating: I think getting my kids to eat BEFORE we head out is of the UTMOST importance. I need full bellies. We accomplish this by having a neighborhood Pot Luck in the front yard before the Trick Or Treating begins. Not everyone can do this, but the premise is still the same. Feed them lots of carbs (rice if you are GFCF) and protein. Limit the sugars, even natural ones like fruit. We need them to have energy so they don’t crash three houses down.
Plan Your Route: Our plan is rarely to stay out as late as possible or to go to as many houses as possible. We focus on our neighborhood (we have about 75 houses) and we have had to work up to that number. When the kids were younger, it was just our cul-de-sac. Make sure your kids are clear on where you plan to go, and if they are old enough, take a trip around your route before the big night when they are calmer and can see first hand what they will be doing.
Plan Your Return Home BEFORE You Go: You need to have a game plan for the “Let Down MELTDOWN” as I so lovingly refer to it these days. When they get home, what is the plan? What time will it be? How long before bed? How much candy can they have? You need a plan; the kids need to know it, and you NEED TO FOLLOW IT. Don’t get caught up in the “I know we said we’d be home by 9, but Suzie-O wants us to do one more street with her, and the boys really want to….” Bad. Bad. Bad. I’m telling you now, STICK with your gut. If you want to scrap the plan on a different Saturday night for no reason for go it, but don’t have a crazy-ramped up-nighttime-candy-induced-moment-of-delirium when you all of a sudden think your kids “can handle it”. You are NOT Suzie-O and her kids are NOT your kids. Your family functions better when there is a plan and you follow it. Go home.
Go Prepared: When you are leaving the house, make sure everyone is prepared! We send them with flashlights and easy to carry cloth pumpkins for collecting candy with their name embroidered on it so we don’t get confused (or anxious and have a total meltdown over “HE HAS MY CANDY”…which of course happens anyway). We leave all of the extra pieces of the costume at home (this year that will include the homemade Captain Rex pistols, the hand cuffs, and the Lightning McQueen ear-mounted mic). And, no matter the costume, WARM clothing and tennis shoes for running (often this means layers UNDER the costume, their favorite soft sweats are good).
Now Prepare the Adults: My friends and I get prepared too—good shoes for us, we pull the wagon pre-stocked with fish crackers, tortilla chips, juice boxes and/or water bottles, grab the camera, and a backpack (in case your child does end up insisting on bringing the whistle, the helmet AND their favorite stuffed animal, you can manage while still snapping photos in the pitch dark). The wagon is KEY for us (you can use a stroller or bike trailer or whatever you have). They will need a break. This is a LOT of sensory stimulation, especially in the DARK, so let them stop and have a snack–and take a ride. If it isn’t raining, blankets and stuffed lions can also be found accompanying our posse.
NO COMPETITION Rule: Trick Or Treating is NOT a competition. Not a competition for who runs fastest, gets the most candy or sees the most friends. This is an activity that requires all of us to be at each door before we ring the doorbell (which they take turns on a strict rotating schedule which includes any neighborhood kids that might be in our “pack”). We go over these rules, again, before we leave the house. I hear you saying “but when I was a kid….”, and again I say, “Your kids are NOT you.” Unfortunately, having boundaries to reinforce the fairness of the activity, allows each kid (SPD, NT or ASD—or any combo) to feel like they are included without hitting a trigger (anxious kids trigger easily; triggers are like feeling left out, feeling ignored, feeling like you are too slow, feeling like you’re the loser each time, etc.). We are looking for FUN not just free candy.
Costumes On, NOW WHAT? Put the costumes on the very last thing possible. How will your child know it is time to go? Talk to them about using their “eyes” to tell when it is time to go. Does everyone have their costume on? Check! Does everyone have their treat bag? Check! Does everyone have their flashlight? Check! Does mom have her camera? Check! Are we ready to play as a team? Check! Giving them a way to know when it is time to go without asking will be helpful in those last tense 5 minutes before the start gun. We don’t want a meltdown during those last crucial seconds.
On Your Marks Get Set…..GO! OK, you are prepared, your kids are prepared, and now you must leave. Well, what are you waiting for? Don’t you think you’ve prepped enough? LOL
The Aftermath: Use the Halloween Witch to make life easier. You don’t know her? The Halloween Witch comes (much like the Tooth Fairy) on Halloween Night after Trick Or Treating is finished when the kids are sleeping. She takes their candy to give to kids who don’t have food (or whatever other story you’d like to implement) and leaves behind a toy for the child. We allow the kids to sort all of their candy out, and pick their top 10 pieces to keep in a ziploc baggie which is labeled with their name and placed HIGH up in the cupboards. Then, the remaining candy gets set out on the counter before bed. My deal is that the toy should be around $10 at most (this isn’t like a big fat Christmas gift, it is a token of the Witch’s appreciation). You can use an action figure, matchbox car, we even did umbrellas one year (they wanted them, and I was going to give them the umbrellas anyway–the old “Two Birds/One Stone” adage). We give the candy away, so I don’t eat it. Which is GREAT for all of us and reduces stress and sugar intake for weeks after Halloween.Not to mention it reduces the chance of me gaining 10lbs in one week.