imagine a five year old, 45 pound boy running with all his might toward you and crashing full force into you. that’s what harrison does to me. a lot. and i do not like it – it hurts! sometimes he will crash into me from behind and catch me completely unaware. those times are the worst because i’m not able to prepare for the blow.
i’ve seen him do this to my husband, jeremy, too. and to papa. i know jer doesn’t like it. i think papa is more tolerant than we are. either that or he is just too nice to say anything about it. but jeremy and i have told harrison again and again that he needs to stop crashing into us! it is not nice!
so far our pleas for him to stop have fallen on deaf ears. he either forgets or he just doesn’t care.
i’ve noticed an increase to this behavior, and more of a pattern to it, recently. it seems to me that harrison crashes (into people) when he is excited.
everyday when i pick harrison up from school he runs at me – not toward me like the typical kindergartener, but at me like a bull in a bullring. his purpose isn’t to hug me, it’s to tackle me.
i’ve noticed this behavior at other times, too. when we tell him that he gets to go to meme and papa’s house, for example. or when meme and papa come to our house for a visit. or when other people come over for a play date. anytime he’s really happy about something, he crashes into us. it seems that excitement is an overwhelming emotion for him. he has trouble processing it and expressing it in normal ways, perhaps by saying “i’m so excited!” or by jumping up and down. so, instead, he crashes into people.
now. he is not being mean. he has no negative intentions. here’s what i’ve learned…
harrison does not, cannot, understand why we don’t like for him to crash into us. he doesn’t realize that he is hurting us because crashing into us doesn’t hurt him at all. it feels really good to him!
and, further, he’s not doing it on purpose. it’s more of a natural instinct for him – and instant reaction. whereas when i get excited i might say “yippee!”, when he gets excited he crashes. simple as that.
as i’ve been reading, i believe (although i could be wrong) this behavior falls into proprioceptive category. one of our eight senses, the propricoception sense has to do with our joints and muscles and is responsible for giving and receiving pressure. for example, how much pressure do you need to use to hold a pencil? or how does it feel to receive the pressure from a hug? can you judge how much pressure you need to throw a ball a certain distance?
in the instances when his body is trying to process an extreme emotion (what would typically be a normal emotion for most is extreme to him), it seems that harrison is completely ignorant about the appropriate amount of pressure to apply. an extreme amount feels good to him.
i have to admit that this realization and learning the background behind the behavior has helped me considerably! knowledge and understanding are truly beautiful things! harrison may be ignorant about how much pressure is appropriate, but i was ignorant about his behavior.
before, i would get so upset with harrison for hurting me and for disobeying me (because he knows he’s not supposed to crash into me like that!). now, i let him run as hard as he can and do my best to catch him.
and i find other ways throughout the day to roughhouse and get some crashing out. both harrison and graham think it is so.much.fun. to use a pillow as a battering ram in an attempt to knock me down. they run at me with all their strength and i block them and knock them backward. they land hard on their tooshies but continually get up and come back for more!
so one of harrison’s little quirks = another eye-opening lesson for me.
we’ve discussed his crashing behavior with him. we’ve explained that we understand it makes him feel really good but that it hurts us. and we’ve explained that he is not ever allowed to crash into his brother or friends. (although maybe we should sign him up for football. defensive tackle anyone?) so far, i believe this behavior, as with most of his behaviors, are only displayed with people harrison loves and feels comfortable with. for the most part harrison does an incredible job of regulating his behavior while he’s around others, which, i’m learning, is a testament to how smart he is. his smarty-pants brain has developed lots of coping mechanisms to make up for his struggling sensory system.
i am so thankful for that.
and i am so thankful to god for revealing these things to me. i consider each little realization a blessing.
i am so curious to see how this crashing instinct, along with his chewing/oral seeking, will improve once we start therapy. and i can’t wait to share those results with you!
Comments
Lena
Oh this sounded and felt so familiar. Thank you for putting it so well into words. One of the other things I have noticed is that when my boys were under 3 yrs old and they met up with someone they were excited to see (a friend, a teacher, a new friendly person) they would sprawl themselves on the floor and roll around. It was a bit embarrassing sometimes but it was “just what they did.” Now we understand that it was their body coping with their excitement yet trepidation. Fascinating, really! Thanks Again!
Heather F.
Your and your son are both very smart. I would agree that he needs to get out that extreme emotion and since it doesn’t hurt him, he can’t figure out how it hurts you. I bet your OT will have some more ideas on how to work through that behavior. Whenever my son has an inappropriate behavior, I get to play detective and figure out what is causing it and what benefit he gets from it. Then we figure out something more appropriate. Our OT have been invaluable in this detective work for us!
Mother of 2 Monkeys
My little monkey has been doing this since he began to walk. He would clip me at the knees and take me out. As he grew taller, he would nail at female juncture with his head. His older brother is twice his size and Little Monkey would lay him completely out. Luckily, his older brother is VERY understanding when it comes to Little Monkey.
After observing one of his OT sessions, I purchased an exercise an exercise trampoline and two bean bag chairs. When my Little Monkey gets overly excited, I ask him to run 10 laps around the stairs, bounce on the trampoline counting to 100 by 5′s and then crash into the bean bag chairs. Rinse repeat. If he is mildly excited then I will have him bounce then crash only.
At 6, I still have to remind him to bounce. A few nights ago he would back up across the room, run straight at the couch, slam into it and face plant on the cushions. After 5 times repeating this maneuver, I reminded him to bounce.
By adding the trampoline to my house, he does not slam into everyone in the familiar anymore. (of course his older brother is still fair game.) I hope this helps and know that others are out there and understand!
Jenny from the Block
Thanks for sharing! My daughter is a big crasher as well. She is little but it still hurts. She does it much less now at 7, it finally sunk in that it hurt me, but at 5 she still did it a lot. Plus, once we learned about SPD and found other ways to get her some of that impact (make her into a burrito, let her jump and crash into a crash pit, etc) it helped, too. She will sometimes do something and say, ‘Look, I am giving myself input!” lol
Sabrina
Oh, do I feel your pain! My oldest son wasn’t diagnosed until he was four, and he was ENORMOUS for his age. I was literally scared of him. I loved him dearly, but he had accidentally injured me on numerous occasions, once even giving me a concussion! Occupational Therapy, brushing, trampoline, pressure, etc… Made a world of difference for him. Now he is the sweetest, cuddliest guy. He gets his deep pressure needs met without using me as an accidental punching bag.