The first time you hear the doctor say that something isn’t right with your baby a thousand thoughts and feelings fly through you at the speed of light leaving you breathless. You find yourself just sitting there, almost looking on without being involved and knowing that something hurts deeply but still not really feeling anything. When the shock wears off there are moments when you wish you could go back and live in that spot where the pain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. But it does wear off, and reality does set in and the pain does become incredibly real.
Sometimes I have found in my own life that allowing the grief is one of the hardest things to do. It’s easier to just keep trucking and telling myself that everything is just fine. There is a guilt that comes along with that grief and the two seem to be best friends for a time. There is grief over what won’t be any longer, over the dreams that you had that came crashing down. Then side by side with that is a guilt for feeling as a parent you are slighting your own kids by grieving what you wanted them to have and what you wanted them to be. …continue reading