A moment of joy when he was born, I cradled him in my arms and if I close my eyes now, I can revert back to that moment. I can mentally time travel to the instance when I felt a connection between his heart and mine, pumping furiously after a long, labor. I involuntarily catch my breath whenever I do this, and realize nine years have slipped by, nine beautiful, rewarding, challenging years. I imagine all the moments like granules of sand, fluidly pouring from between my fingers as I make a desperate attempt to hold on to each one of them. That is how I view parenting now as I have become older, and I am fighting to catch every grain.
Instantly there was a deeper than normal bond between us. Shortly, there was a stronger than normal fussiness about him. He was incessant by nature. Pure power wrapped up into a tight, swaddled, red- faced bundle. If I brought my face really close to his, until my eyelashes fluttered upon his cheeks, he would slowly, quiet down. I would change my tone of voice, dim the lights, find the softest blanket and just whisper “It’s your mom and she loves you”, and he would soothe down and become manageable. …continue reading